Saturday, March 14, 2009 – Greater love hath no man than this

Today, I had some truly incredible experiences. Over the past few weeks, I have become increasingly stressed and worried over our transition to life in France. This has been, and will continue to be, a most eye-opening, challenging, and difficult experience! I have realized more and more issues that I have with security and reliance, and that while I seek to be prepared, informed, and wise, I also have a great deal of fear that I often allow to overtake all else. This fear has plagued me for weeks, in numerous guises, as challenge upon challenge comes across our path during this phase of the journey.

Feeling particularly “beyond whelmed” (as I put it), I commented on an online social network that I was feeling this way. Not necessarily a complaint, or even a cry for help, but rather a tidbit of information that helped me feel better to “say.” Two things happened.

Firstly, a friend wrote back a two sentence reply that truly amazed me. It amazed me because this friend is also my employer, and not to say that my services are invaluable, but my leaving is definitely placing a significant amount of stress upon her. The fact out of all of my friends, she could encourage me in this way, was truly a blessing.

Secondly, I got a call from a dear friend, who wanted to make sure that I was doing alright. We have become very, very close over the past few months, and while she is very thrilled for us, she will truly miss us terribly, and is saddened by our leaving. Over the phone, I told her some of my stress, and she proceeded to calm me and talk me through my woes, to the point that I cried tears of joy. Here was a true friend: someone I would miss so greatly, and yet could encourage me over the very thing that would cause us both such sadness and loneliness! She proceeded to remind me that this was a trial, a challenge, and that should understand it as such. I shouldn’t just expect to be comfortable in such a new situation, but I shouldn’t expect to fall either. “If the Lord has brought you this far, and allowed so many incredible pieces to fall into place for you,” she said, “He is not going to then make you fall. And even if you did, what is the church for? What is your family and network of friends for? We are there for you, no one would let that happen!”

I was so touched by her kindness and sincerity. And you know what? It helped. Still, I lamented that at 21 years old and so many “firsts,” I still became so insecure every time that I came across a new “first.” But this move is no “ordinary” first, and could probably be the most difficult we ever encounter. Yet, I cannot help feeling that it can only be good for future encounters, to help us grow and mature, to teach us to love, to teach us (and especially me) to rely on the Lord and on each other. Talking with my friend made me understand the great blessing of the mystery of friendship, that she truly was “laying down” her life for me, putting herself aside, her own woes and stresses, to talk me through a situation. I only hope that I may someday repay the deed.

It sounds obvious to say, but I experience a uniquely enhanced discomfort when I am not in a secure, comfortable place. But I was thinking of this song (Disney analogy!) from an old cartoon about Johnny Appleseed, where Johnny sings a quirky, upbeat little song: “The Lord is good to me, and so I thank the Lord, for giving me the things I need: The sun and the rain and the appleseed. For He’s been good to me!” Well, not that this song applies to us directly, after all we’re not going to harvest French apples, yet it was the word “need” that caught my eye. “For giving me the things I NEED,” and while I may ask for more than that, well, I only need what I truly need. And the Lord will provide!

-mary