Today, I had some truly incredible experiences. Over the past few weeks, I have become increasingly stressed and worried over our transition to life in France. This has been, and will continue to be, a most eye-opening, challenging, and difficult experience! I have realized more and more issues that I have with security and reliance, and that while I seek to be prepared, informed, and wise, I also have a great deal of fear that I often allow to overtake all else. This fear has plagued me for weeks, in numerous guises, as challenge upon challenge comes across our path during this phase of the journey.
Feeling particularly “beyond whelmed” (as I put it), I commented on an online social network that I was feeling this way. Not necessarily a complaint, or even a cry for help, but rather a tidbit of information that helped me feel better to “say.” Two things happened.
Firstly, a friend wrote back a two sentence reply that truly amazed me. It amazed me because this friend is also my employer, and not to say that my services are invaluable, but my leaving is definitely placing a significant amount of stress upon her. The fact out of all of my friends, she could encourage me in this way, was truly a blessing.
Secondly, I got a call from a dear friend, who wanted to make sure that I was doing alright. We have become very, very close over the past few months, and while she is very thrilled for us, she will truly miss us terribly, and is saddened by our leaving. Over the phone, I told her some of my stress, and she proceeded to calm me and talk me through my woes, to the point that I cried tears of joy. Here was a true friend: someone I would miss so greatly, and yet could encourage me over the very thing that would cause us both such sadness and loneliness! She proceeded to remind me that this was a trial, a challenge, and that should understand it as such. I shouldn’t just expect to be comfortable in such a new situation, but I shouldn’t expect to fall either. “If the Lord has brought you this far, and allowed so many incredible pieces to fall into place for you,” she said, “He is not going to then make you fall. And even if you did, what is the church for? What is your family and network of friends for? We are there for you, no one would let that happen!”
I was so touched by her kindness and sincerity. And you know what? It helped. Still, I lamented that at 21 years old and so many “firsts,” I still became so insecure every time that I came across a new “first.” But this move is no “ordinary” first, and could probably be the most difficult we ever encounter. Yet, I cannot help feeling that it can only be good for future encounters, to help us grow and mature, to teach us to love, to teach us (and especially me) to rely on the Lord and on each other. Talking with my friend made me understand the great blessing of the mystery of friendship, that she truly was “laying down” her life for me, putting herself aside, her own woes and stresses, to talk me through a situation. I only hope that I may someday repay the deed.
It sounds obvious to say, but I experience a uniquely enhanced discomfort when I am not in a secure, comfortable place. But I was thinking of this song (Disney analogy!) from an old cartoon about Johnny Appleseed, where Johnny sings a quirky, upbeat little song: “The Lord is good to me, and so I thank the Lord, for giving me the things I need: The sun and the rain and the appleseed. For He’s been good to me!” Well, not that this song applies to us directly, after all we’re not going to harvest French apples, yet it was the word “need” that caught my eye. “For giving me the things I NEED,” and while I may ask for more than that, well, I only need what I truly need. And the Lord will provide!
-mary
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009 (Forgiveness Sunday) – A Great Cloud of Witnesses
Today in the Orthodox Church is Forgiveness Sunday, when we are reminded that in order to be forgiven, we must forgive. The service that celebrates forgiveness is very beautiful, as each member of the parish seeks to forgive and be forgiven by each other member. The service is very humbling, but an incredible way to begin Lent.
As we ask forgiveness at our Parish of Saint Barnabas, the parishioners eventually form concentric circles around the church, so that each member has the chance to approach every other member. As I looked around our beautiful parish, the eclectic beauty of the people who contribute to the family of Saint Barnabas Orthodox Church, I realized for the first time what it meant to not be with these people for what would soon be a very significant period of time. We would be going through the joys of challenge and growing, but where would all these dear friends and family be? What would we do without them?
It was truly saddening to “officially” come to this realization. After all, some of these people I had known my entire life, and all of them had been supportive of me and Andrew, our marriage, our decisions…This realization sent me into a bit of a panic, for although I knew that they would be praying for us, and we for them, we would not have the same reliance upon the community here that had become so precious to us in our lives.
Standing slightly panicked in the beauty of the candlelit church, the sober atmosphere, surrounded by the loving community that we would miss so much, I had another realization: we would not be so distant from these souls as I thought. For when we commune at our parish in Paris, we will commune with you. When we pray, we would be united with you. When we read the Bible, we will be gleaning the same precious wisdom as you.
When I was in Albania last summer, the Archbishop Anastasios told our mission team something very striking, a perspective that I had never before considered. The Epistle reading on the day we visited was from Hebrews 11-12 about “the great cloud of witnesses.” He said, “As Christians, we do not consider that our mission is to ‘get into’ this cloud, but rather to help make it bigger! The cloud does not stop at us, it does not have a fixed limit, and we must seek to expand it.”
This great cloud of witnesses will be a large part of our security and solace in Paris. We do not yet know what that area of the cloud will “look like,” and I am very interested to find out! And what a blessing to have this experience of knowing a different part of it. I am thankful for the vast presence of the Lord in the world. I know that in His great mercy, He allows us to maintain communion with those we love by being a part of His body, which transcends cultures, crosses great seas, and works ceaselessly to care for all the members, even little insignificant Mary and Andrew!!
What a relief.
-mary
As we ask forgiveness at our Parish of Saint Barnabas, the parishioners eventually form concentric circles around the church, so that each member has the chance to approach every other member. As I looked around our beautiful parish, the eclectic beauty of the people who contribute to the family of Saint Barnabas Orthodox Church, I realized for the first time what it meant to not be with these people for what would soon be a very significant period of time. We would be going through the joys of challenge and growing, but where would all these dear friends and family be? What would we do without them?
It was truly saddening to “officially” come to this realization. After all, some of these people I had known my entire life, and all of them had been supportive of me and Andrew, our marriage, our decisions…This realization sent me into a bit of a panic, for although I knew that they would be praying for us, and we for them, we would not have the same reliance upon the community here that had become so precious to us in our lives.
Standing slightly panicked in the beauty of the candlelit church, the sober atmosphere, surrounded by the loving community that we would miss so much, I had another realization: we would not be so distant from these souls as I thought. For when we commune at our parish in Paris, we will commune with you. When we pray, we would be united with you. When we read the Bible, we will be gleaning the same precious wisdom as you.
When I was in Albania last summer, the Archbishop Anastasios told our mission team something very striking, a perspective that I had never before considered. The Epistle reading on the day we visited was from Hebrews 11-12 about “the great cloud of witnesses.” He said, “As Christians, we do not consider that our mission is to ‘get into’ this cloud, but rather to help make it bigger! The cloud does not stop at us, it does not have a fixed limit, and we must seek to expand it.”
This great cloud of witnesses will be a large part of our security and solace in Paris. We do not yet know what that area of the cloud will “look like,” and I am very interested to find out! And what a blessing to have this experience of knowing a different part of it. I am thankful for the vast presence of the Lord in the world. I know that in His great mercy, He allows us to maintain communion with those we love by being a part of His body, which transcends cultures, crosses great seas, and works ceaselessly to care for all the members, even little insignificant Mary and Andrew!!
What a relief.
-mary
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